I just jabbed a needle in my belly

What I won't do to have a baby...

I guess it is time for an update on my quest to have a baby.

We had Bryan's semen analysis done 2 weeks ago and got mixed results. First off, no one should ever make you wait from Thursday until Monday to tell you if you have normal swimmers. Poor Bryan. I was anxious and I can't even imagine what he was feeling. So I finally called and got the results which were a mixed blessing. His count was good at 36 million. Can you imagine...36 million? I never would have guessed that in a million years. His motility was good at 76% meaning that his little swimmers knew how to swim in a straight fast line. Yea!!! But his morphology was low at 1%. Yeah, I didn't know what morphology meant either. It loosely translates into shape, meaning that only 1% of those 36 million were normally shaped sperm. What other shape might they have? Thanks to the good ol' internet, here is what I found out....small heads, big heads, 2 HEADS, crooked tail, short tail, etc., etc. I'll never forget Bryan's reaction when I told him. We were eating dinner and it was all I could do to not choke on my food. When I told him that only 1% of his sperm were normal, he replied, (in his normal dry-witted tone) "so I have retarded sperm!?!?!"

After that ordeal, we were on to my HSG test. It's basically a test where after giving me some nice relaxing drugs, they insert a dye into my Fallopian tubes and it is supposed to drain out of both ovaries if my tubes are clear. Right ovary - check, left ovary - so-so. The dye was backing up in my ovary a little and my RE said that there might be some scar tissue. No sooner than those words were out of her mouth, when the nurse said, "Mr. Oakley, are you ok?" I turned my head to see a very pale, intensely sweating Bryan. He replied, "No, I need some air." I knew that he did not like needles or blood and guts but all he was seeing was an image, similar to an ultrasound, of my ovaries. When we were walking out to the car, he was still breathing heavy. He said he couldn't do that "kind of stuff" anymore. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it (ie, if I ever get pregnant) because if he thinks he is getting out of being in the delivery room, he is crazy!! He can stand by my head and not look "down there" but damn it, he will be needed. ;)

So this week has been more bloodwork and ultrasounds. As of today, I have 3 follicles (they burst at ovulation and turn into eggs) in my right ovary. They are 22, 20 and 18 mm. in size. Anything 20 and over is considered good. My left ovary actually produced 4 follicles - 14, 10, 8 and 8 mm. Even though they are small, I am still excited that they formed in that crazy ovary anyhow.

And that brings me to the needle in my belly. I had to inject yet another hormone (the others I take orally) to "boost" my ovulation and we are scheduled for an IUI (intrauterine insemination) on Thursday at 11 AM.

All of this to have a baby? Yep...and I would do it over and over again if it meant that I could have a healthy baby.

I am somewhat optimistic about my follies (PCOS talk for follicles) but all of the follies in the world will not do me any good if we can't get some normal sperm out of my dear hubby.

I have ovulated for the last 5 months thanks to Clomid and still no baby so I am trying desperately not to get my hopes up high for this month. Even though I know that by this time next week, I will have already purchased my first pack of home pregnancy tests and be more than eager to start testing.