Babies on the Brain

So I am supposed to be studying for my big planning exam. You know the one, I failed it back in May. It is that time again and I am seriously dreading it. What will people think if I fail it again? It is seriously a hard freakin test. If it was only about planning, I could pass it. I know I could. But it incorporates so much bull-shit into it. If I really and truly kept up with current events, I could probably do a lot better. If I was a history buff like my hubby, I am sure I could do a lot better. Excuses, excuses, I know. It's just I am so scared that I am going to fail it again. Having said that, you would think that I would be studying day and night, right? Nope. Not happening. I just don't have it in me to study for long periods at a time. I even bought some stupid "mind enhancing" pills from GNC. Another $20 down the drain. Why can't I focus and get my shit together you might ask?

I WANT A BABY!!! Once again, TTC has become all-consuming. I keep thinking about the upcoming IUI next month and what it would mean to finally get pregnant. Today, while I was out grocery shopping at Harris Teeter, I found the mother-load of clearance home pregnancy test. They were by First Response, Clear Blue Easy, EPT, you-name-it. And they didn't expire until 2012. It took every fiber in my being to only 3 boxes (containing 11 tests). While I sit here trying to study, I doodle the name Graham Michael O. on my note cards. So far, that is the only name the hubby and I can agree on. I want a little girl more than anything but can't seem to settle on a name to save my life. You are probably thinking that picking out baby names is a little premature but I don't care. I have been picking out baby names since I was a little girl playing with my dolls. Funny how my "favorite" names have changed over the years. When I was a little girl, I was stuck on M names for girls. Melanie, Malorie, and.... damn, I can't seem to remember the third "M" name. Boys names...uh...not so much. I usually liked whatever name the cutest boy in school had at the time. My 4th grade boyfriend was named Dillon. Now, that I was a name I adored.

I guess it is time to get back to studying. The sooner I can get this damn test over with, the sooner I can focus on baby-making without any distractions.